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Who Is Attractive and Compatible as a Romantic Partner?

Who Is Attractive and Compatible as a Romantic Partner?

Key points

  • Successful long-term relationships are driven by both passion and compatibility.
  • Feelings of passion for a romantic partner tend to be based on unconscious desires, while compatibility is usually based on conscious ones.
  • People initially tend to choose lovers based on their unconscious, emotional reactions.

Most everyone has their “wish list” of traits that they hope to find in their ideal boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse, or lover. In fact, when such a list of needs and wants is reasonable, it helps in finding a satisfying relationship (see here and here). Nevertheless, having such a list does not completely guarantee that a person will use it to select a compatible partner.

It appears that these logical ideals often get forgotten when someone comes face-to-face with a real-life potential lover. Perhaps you yourself have had this happen. Have you thought about some features you want to find in Mr. or Ms. Right, only to get attracted and choose someone who had none of those features? If so, you are certainly not alone.

Unfortunately, if that attraction leads someone away from their desired list of compatible traits, there are often long-term consequences.Read More